If you haven't noticed, people, in general, are more alike than different. If you prick us, we bleed. If you love us, we appreciate it. And if you mention "pizza," we have an opinion. Pizza has evolved to a point of global ubiquity. And cuisine from all over the world has influenced the way we eat pizza in America (here's looking at you, particularly, Indian pizza). But as our country -- and most other countries, really -- rises to a level of unprecedented pizza-appreciation, it's time to check back with the source, lest we suffer from the culinary bends.

What do Italian chefs working in the States -- like, the ones actually from Italy -- really think about American pizza? Do they like dollar slices after a long night of drinking, like the rest of us? Is chain pizza an affront to their national sensibilities? Is pizza really better in their country, or is it just something that people who studied abroad in Firenze like to say while pretending like they actually lived there?