Im getting ready to meet Sebastian Maniscalco with a batch of ricotta cheese cookies my mother made for him. The sugary white cookies, pronounced “ri-gut-tuh," are an Italian-American tradition and can usually be found in decorative tins adorned with tinsel and bows around the holidays.

My mother thought, and I agreed, that a sign of gratitude like this may help the famously hypercritical comedian—who calls himself “The Behavioral Police”—warm up to me. Then I read Maniscalco has a dairy intolerance. Suddenly, I’m not so sure about bringing the cookies. And now, as if I’m living out a Sebastian Maniscalco joke in real life, I’m arguing with my parents about it on the phone.